“Hulloa!
Hulloa there! Whoop!” Scrooge cried,
Lifting up his window and peering
into the snow-encrusted street
below
He could hear all the bells of Old
London ringing
( He had knocked his head on the
sash.)
Seeing a young boy below he
shouted
“Hulloa there! You! Yes YOU my
fine fellow!
What's the day?”
the young boy looked upward,
his jolly face pinched by a raw
December wind
“Get stuffed you old perv!” he
retorted gamely,
his lip curling over in a sneer of
sheer contempt.
“Ha HA!” beamed the jovial
Ebeneezer,
“Fine boy! Splendid Boy! What is
The Day?”
“F*ck Me! You on Crystal Meth?
It's Christmas day you weirdo!”
“Christmas day?” breathed
Scrooge
-Then I'm ALIVE!”
“ Not for much longer you ain't
My dad's got a Pit Bull.”
came the spirited reply.
-“ And what's that you have
tucked under your arm
there my young rapscallion? “
chuckled Scrooge. “ A
fine-necked goose I'll warrant?”
“My dad's got a machete,”
cried the urchin. ”He'll shiv you.”
“ Or is is a capon perhaps,
newly plucked and dressed?”
“ It's a bottle of JD. I nicked
it from down the offie. Wanna buy it?”
“ Ho Ho Ho!” cackled Scrooge
gleefully,slamming the window shut
but not before opening the flap
in his combinations
and embroidering the word “Noel”
in orange moisture on
the snow by the infant in the
street below.
Scrooge laughed as he dressed,
then left the room
skipping down the stairs two at a
time.
“ Christmas Day? Glorious day!
Grand day!”
cried he. “I'll just pop down to
Mr Anoop's fine supermarket.
I'll buy his last individual Plum
Puddings,
Go up to Brick Lane and distribute
them there
amongst the Night Sleepers! ”
So saying, he opened his front door
Failing utterly to see a Blood from
the 'Hood.
who knocked him out cold with a
16lb turkey.
Before ransacking the flat.
Meanwhile off Old Compton Street
“ Ho Friggin' Ho!” roared Santa
merrily,
stumbling out of The Red Lion
adjusting his red trousers and and
bumping into Wee Dingus
“See you Jimmy” came the answer,a
Stanley knife swiftly drawn
from a crumbling and stained puffer
jacket
“Happy Christmas!” Santa
echoed,delivering a Gorbals Kiss
with a speed
belying his 750 years.
And stepping over the prone figure,
he climbed onto his sleigh.
Or rather
He gunned the Mercedes up West.
