Smells Like Christmas

What’s that smear on Grandad’s shirt?

What’s that stain on Grandma’s skirt?

What’s that steaming in the dirt?
RUDOLF! Smells like Christmas!

Lots of cheerful festive booze,

fighting in the shopping queues

Just disasters on the news
Yes it smells like Christmas
Pine trees oozing pungent sap,
Polar bears and penguin crap
Fido drinking from the tap
Yes it smells like Christmas
Cinammon and Tangerines, 
Brussel sprouts and Christmas greens
Vampires on the Multiscreens
Yes It smells like Christmas
Where’s it come from? That’s the question
Flatulence and Indigestion
Christmas Trees and Christmas Bells
Lots of awful Christmas smells
Hey! It smells like Christmas

Same old rubbish on t.v. 
Ants inside the Christmas tree
Santa? Is that.... Reindeer wee?
Yes!- it smells like Christmas!
Pounding pavements, stinking feet,
socks that whiff of rotting meat
Wheelie bins are full for weeks
Hey! They smell like Christmas

Bird Flu ,Plague and flies abound 

 Slush lies melting on the ground

Unwanted dogs and cats are drowned
Just because it's Christmas
Santa Claus has foetid breath
The news is full of war and death
My neighbour's Brewing Crystal Meth
And it stinks of Christmas.
The motorways and railways jam
My mailbox fills with dirty spam
Everyone hates Uncle Sam
It's definitely Christmas
Flu transmitted by the birds,
Carols full of empty words
Pavements cluttered up with turds
-Really smells like Christmas. 
Easter Eggs and Winter Sales,
Got a waistband like a whale
Body Odour- armpits stale:
Yes - they smell like Christmas.
Insurgents play with guns and swords 
Norovirus shuts the wards
Malls are full of sweating hordes
It must be Boxing Day.