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| 2008 album-all sold out, I'm afraid! |
I have run out of copies of "HEY! It smells Like Christmas," which does not feature on any album. However, I have given away so many copies, I fondly imagine it being sung at several Office parties-with unemployment following swiftly afterwards,perhaps. I wrote it in 2014 and with a few tweaks,it has exactly the same seasonal references in this year. I don't mind if anyone wants to cover it. The tune is mostly derivative of Terry Scott's "My Brother" and it is an easy chorus song, as I stop and get the audience to shout out "HEY! It smells Like Christmas!" They seem to enjoy that.
Hey!
It Smells Like Christmas!
What’s
that smear on Grandad’s shirt? What’s that stain on Grandma’s
skirt?
What’s
that steaming in the dirt?
Hey! It
smells like Christmas!
Lots of
cheerful festive booze, fighting in the shopping queues
Just
disasters on the news
Hey! it
smells like Christmas!
Pine trees
oozing pungent sap, Polar bears and penguin crap
Fido
drinking from the tap
Hey! it
smells like Christmas
Easter
Eggs and Winter Sales, waistbandwider than two whales
Body
Odour, armpits stale
Hey!
It smells
like Christmas!
Where’s
it come from? That’s the question,
Flatulence
and Indigestion:
Christmas
Trees and Christmas Bells
Lots of
awful Christmas smells
Hey! It
smells like Christmas!
Cinammon
and Tangerines, Brussel sprouts and Christmas greens
Vampires
on The Multiscreens
Hey! It
smells like Christmas!
Same old
rubbish on t.v. Ants inside the Christmas tree
Rudolf!..... is
that.... Reindeer wee? Or:
(Hay?
)... it smells like Christmas!
Pounding
pavements, stinking feet, socks that whiff of rotting meat
Wheelie
bins all full for weeks
Hey! It smells like Christmas!
Rats and Plague and flies abound, Slush lies melting on the ground
Unwanted
dogs and cats are drowned
Just
because it's Christmas
Santa
Claus has foetid breath The news is full of war and death
My
neighbour's Brewing Crystal Meth
Hey! it
smells like Christmas!
The
motorways and railways jam, my mailbox fills with dirty spam
Everyone
hates Uncle Sam
Hey! It smells like Christmas!
Flu
transmitted by the birds, carols full of empty words
Pavements
cluttered with dog turds
Hey! It smells like Christmas!
Insurgents
play with guns and swords, Norovirus shuts the Wards
The Malls
are full of sweating hordes
-It
must be Boxing Day!
